He Brings it all together

Im no different than anyone else. Some days are just rough. bad.

After my amazing time alone with my Father this morning & the excitement of our upcoming weekend of seeing SOULS & LIVES changed forever... I was of course, attacked. ALL d a y  long. I tried to get back up. Its 9pm.. I am pickin myself up. better late than never, right?  :)  I share this to say.. that we all have bad days. When things just come at us from every angle. Even hard core Jesus lovers---cause thats what I AM!!! Thanks momma Jackie for a reminder that came right at the perfect moment. "If we realize that its ALL in his hands you'll Find the PEACE that sweet surrender brings. We may not understand the reason... but i know His promise will never change." He works ALL things out for our good. the pain, doubt, dispair, fear, uncertainity. ALL THINGS. devil.. you lose. "It IS written"..and "IT IS FINISHED" 2 sets of 3...good enough for me.

Surrender.

Read it, recieve it, sing it, Live it!

"Test me, O Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind; for your love is ever before me, and I walk continually in your truth. I do not sit with decietful men, nor do I consort with hypocrites. I abhor the assembly of evildoers and refuse to sit with the wicked. I wash my hands in innocence, and go about your altar, O Lord, proclaminh aloud your praise and telling of your wonderful deeds." Psalm 26:2-7

A couple of years ago a friend of mine had to speak to a group of young men regarding part of this scripture. She came to me perplexed about what she should share...especially with regards to the "abhoring what is evil" part. So i studied the scripture and we had a great time in the word at work that day!! This morning this scripture popped up in during mine & Phillips quiet time in the One year bible. So, i thought I'd share. :)

My bible has great commentary...so i'll be referring to that as well. When David asked God to declare him "blameless", he wasnt claiming to be sinless--thats impossible for any human to achieve.  Instead, he was pleading with God to clear his name of the false charges made against him by his enemies. What I really see clearly in this is that we can ask God to examine our hearts, trusting Him to forigve our sins and clear the record according to his great mercy!!

Alright as far as unbelievers go... the word says we are in the world but not "of it". We are set apart. But does that mean that we should stay away from unbelievers? I hope you immediately say "no!". As Christians, there are places and situations we DO need to avoid. But, Jesus clearly demonstrated we are to go among the unblelievers to help them. To give them hope and show them love. There is a big difference between being with unbelievers and being one of them. Acting like unbelievers harms our witness for God.  

I want people to see what Jesus has done in my life. And I want them to want HIM. If I am acting like the world....cussing or drinking or partying, gossiping, cheating, stealing, lying...what does that say about my walk with Jesus? If you go to a club are you headed to hell?  If you have a drink out on a date... is that where you have crossed the line? If you cuss... if Jesus done with you? Absolutely not! When I was in high school... at one point I went to a Christian school... a major learning, growing, turning point in my life was being required to memorize this scripture from Phillipians 4:7 "Whatever things are true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." So i memorized it, then, somehow... in my 16 yr old mind...the Holy Spirit brought revelation...that to this day has stuck with me. My husband and I strongly enforce this in our home with regards to media. So...i think "what brings glory to God...what would HE find pleasing?"  If I am using filthy language... does that bring glory to his precious name? If I am out to dinner and have a glass of wine... and a young girl from our youth group just happens to come in and see me... what sort of witness was I to her? Music... that was/is a biggie for me. I remember going home and ripping...(haha that was in the ancient days of tapes) ripping the tapes apart...Janet Jackson, Salt n Peppa, Vanilla Ice,...whatever... it was trash to me. It did not glorify God. Was it sending me to the pit of hell...nah, probably not. Does the type of music we listen to determine our salvation...no...does it completely set the tone for our day...or our mood..for some of us, YES! For me... music ministers to me deeply. Thats how I have always been. So if I was listening to Trisha Yearwoods "How do I live without you".... I really felt that.... I remember having a fight with Phillip..I had rededicated my life to Christ and was only been listening to christian music at that time. We were in the car together and that specific song came on..and within seconds...I found myself in the PIT of despair. "how could I possibly live without him?" But when we fill our minds with word...even thru music...its amazing how those desperate situations just turn right around!!

What we put into our minds determines what comes out in our words and actions. Paul tells us to program our minds with thoughts that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy.  Do you have problems with negative thinking, ungodly thoughts? Examine what you are putting in that mind of yours through tv, internet, books, music, CONVERSATIONS. REPLACE that junk  with godly stuff. Most of all Gods word. Read & Pray.... and worship ;) . ASK GOD to help you focus on what is good and pure.

Dont snub the sinner... love them. You were once them. The difference between you and them is Gods grace. He saved you. Dont wallow with them in their pit either though. Show them the HOPE of Jesus LIVING  thru you...in action and in deed. "Every saint has a past and EVERY sinner HAS A FUTURE"!!

Ppl...mostly women seem to be encouraged by my facebook status alot of times. I get lots of messages regarding them. Most of the time my statuses  are lyrics to a song I am listening to that day. I keep it on almost all day. It helps me, lifts me up. encourages me. it creates an atmosphere of worship in my home...at all times. I love that. It can make me dance & shout while Im cookin... or bring me to my knees to a place of praise or humbleness.  About 2 weeks ago, I heard Kylee screaming in the dining room.. I walked in to find she had turned up the worship music that was on... she was sitting in a chair with her arms raised..as she shouted "Jesus...Jesus!!"" wow... took my breath away for a moment. Jesus IN--Jesus out. Garbage IN--garbage out!! Think about what you are feeding your mind..but dont forget to monitor what your young children are puttin in theirs.

Glory glory Hallelujah , He reigns...and all the POWER of darkness..CANT DRIVE OUT A SINGLE WORD!! ~~~ Rita Springer... what I am worshipping to right now. satan has NO power over the TRUTH THAT IS word of God. Read it, recieve it, SING IT.... LIVE IT!
Love, j.

One Month to Live

Good morning! No, I havent been literally given one month to live. :) It is the name of a series by Kerry & Chris Cook we are beginning tonight in our Fusion Group. I read some in our guide yesterday. And it got my attention so I thought I would share.

Your time on earth is limited.
"No matter how much this idea makes you squirm, its a fact. No matter WHO you are, how young or old, what measure of success you've attained, or where you live, mortality remains the great equalizer. With each tick of the clock, a moment of your life is behind you. Even as you read this paragragh, seconds passes that you can never regain. Your days are numbered and each one that passes is gone forever.

If you're like us, you may be tempted to view this reality as harsh and unwelcome, to let it overwhelm and even paralyze you. But thats not our purpose in writing this study series-just the opposite. Rather than inhibiting us to play it safe, we're convinced that enbracing our time on eath as a limited resource has incredible power to liberate us. For most of us, if we knew we only had one month to live, we would live our lives differently. We would be more authentic about who we are and more deliberate about how we spend the time we have. But such contrast begs the question: What keeps us from living this way NOW? We invite you to take the One Month to Live Challenge."

Above quotation from Kerry & Chris Shook

My life is so full. It just is. I am trying to learn and grow in God's word, trying to be everything my husband needs... he is precious and deserves so much more than I seem to be able to mustar up each day... (that is actually true for my husband and my Father God), 4 kids... wow.. I mean homework, sports, dance, baths and food, and trying to teach them the things of God, while also teaching them the things of the world... "dont ever try drugs..and this is why...." or answering questions like "mom, what is a lesbian?" So far this year my 2 oldest sons have bombarded me with questions...bullying,  racisim, sexuality, heaven , hell, puberty, politics, why people lie, what happens when we die, how mom's and dads can walk away from their children beause of drugs, if God is sitting in the clouds... you name it...we've just about been there in the last 12 month. They live in the world... they are not called to be OF IT. I want to lay their foundation  TIGHT in Jesus. This takes TIME. and if I had 30 days to live...wow. I can just imagine me. haha.. it really just made me LOL... I would be making videos and writing to them ... my head spins now as I type this... thinking of all the things I would want to teach them and make sure they knew.. not my point of view, but how Jesus sees it. Parents have such a HUGE job. And I feel like 90 % of mine lately is just spending time listening to their questions and doing me very best to point them in the right direction. That is the part of my life that I do find fullfilling. Training them up in the word and the things of God...because Gods word promises me that if I do that... then they WILL NOT depart from those truths all the days of their lives. NOW, that says to me that whether I live 30 days or 50 years.... that my babies are covered. Perfect? no. will they stray? probably. will they sin? absolutely. Will they be tempted to give up or turn their backs on God because they are hurt or offended? I certainly hope not...but if they do.. they know where to come... when they are broken or confused, I am certain with Logan and Brady Cole, at this point they have a foundation of where to take their brokeness.

If I had 30 days to live... I think I would give more. My time, my posessions. I would sleep less. I would immerse myself in the word. and spend every possible moment making sure my husband and my children knew how very special they are to me...and to their Father God, and dearly they are loved. I would listen more and speak less. I would pray over each of them every night and listen...not rush thru the process. I would try one more time to share the love of Jesus with my dad & with my sister Kelly. I would wrap my arms around each of my sisters and just love on them. They are so precious and I am so excited about where God is going to take Cindy & Victoria and the women of God He is raising. I would hug my father in law more. I constantly find myself pulling away from him. Im quite sure this is b/c of my "daddy issues". But despite his faults, and we all have them... he loves my children... he is a present person in their lives. I would forgive my mom 70x7, for the past and for every future hurt I have lived  in fear of.... and just leave it at the cross once and for all of eternity. I would give Phillip that wet, sloppy 5  second kiss every day, several times a day.. that he keeps harping on me about...that even as I type this... i just dont get why that has seemed like an imposition to me?? I would tell my friends.. and I am over the moon to say that list is more than I can count now, how very much they matter and what a difference they have made in my life. My "prayer warrior list" (...the people that I call on in time of need has gone from 2....to more than I can count in the last year!!! I have to stop before I ask for prayer now...and ask God "SHOW me which of my girls YOU desire to come along side me right now"!! wow!!)

Im sure theres more... but, thats what I would do. And as I typed a couple of those things.... well, all of them really but..if Im honest, a couple stung a little more than others........ I thought... WHY OH WHY...would I wait until I was given such a prognosis of 30 days?? What in the world am i thinking?? Forgive NOW, Love NOW, EMBRACE NOW. GIVE NOW. SERVE NOW. SHARE JESUS NOW. TODAY. What am I waiting on? Working in the medical field for more than 10 years, I know...we aren't all given a number...in fact very few of us are. One day we dont wake up. Its over. All those things..your list...goes undone. I have watched hundreds of people die. I wonder how many of them left this world with "what if I had done this? or "sure wish I had hugged that person one more time" I do think very few, probably none lay dying and wishing "sure woulda been nice to have worked one more day or made a little more money here". The things that last...are our relationships. And for some of us, those relationships are draining so we dont invest...our time or energy. We dont nurture those relationships at all, let alone deliberatley.

So Principle ONE of the One Month to Live series is to Live PASSIONATELY. How am I going to put that into action over the next week? To me Passion & surrrender go hand in hand. I am going to deliberatley SURRENDER myself to my Father every day and pray HE guide me in overcoming that big ole list.

So...here's praying my friend...that my life and YOURS is not only FULL of things to do and places to go... but that it is FULLFILLING. That the dash - between the year we were born and the year we go to be with Jesus represents love & surrender & JOY & sharing the love of Jesus with the world...starting with the people around you!. In the precious name of Jesus I Pray! Amen.

"Looks like tonight the sky is heavy ..feels like the winds are gonna change...
beneath my feet the earth is ready I know its time for Heavens rain..
Its gonna rain
Its LIVING WATER WE DESIRE
FLOOD OUR HEARTS WITH HOLY FIRE
RAIN DOWN
My heart is dry, but im still singing

My heart is heavy, feels like its time to DREAM AGAIN
I see the clouds outside and YES IM ready ..to dance upon this barren land."!
Its LIVING WATER I DESIRE
FATHER FLOOD MY HEART WITH HOLY FIRE."

What I worshipping to right now. and the cry of my heart. Jesus I need you.

Whats your gift? Do you know how to place yourself in a position to be USED?

I ran into an old friend last week. She asked about this silly blog. Said she had checked it several times and there wasn't anything new here. She thought it may have been her internet sevice at work blocking her from seeing. Well, theres no block.. just a dry spell for me. And not just a dry spell really, because God has done some mighty big things lately... i guess, i didn't feel like sharing.. or maybe I even thought noone cared or was listening. :/ I think we all feel that way sometimes. Insignificant. I sure hope I'm not alone anyways.

I know the truth though. satan. He wants me to FEEL insignificant, un-useable.... invisable. Do you ever feel thouse things? Like, HE..God of the Universe...can't possibly use you... need you.. or even want you? If satan can shut me up. He wins. God gave me a voice. He gave me boldness. He gave me passion. He allows me to hurt for ppl.. for things and situations that hurt Him. Oh...whenever I am hurting or crying or praying over someone... really it could be anyone... from my sister, Cindy who is growing leaps & bounds in her faith every day... to a person I saw at my sons football game.. I felt like GOd kinda showed me this family was going to be attacked a cpl of years ago. I pushed it away.. I confess, I did not pray. I felt like I should... I remember kinda 'seeing', if you will what the enemy was going to use to attack this family with, and thinking "oh, no..that can never happen.. why am I thinking that??!!" I see women go to the alter.. I only go if I feel led to pray for them ususally, I cant tell you how many times... that broken woman reaching out for prayer has a husband or other family member who is lost, a marriage falling apart, a sister who is lost to a world of drugs, a sick child, she herself struggling with lack of confidence, or decisions, being mentally attacked, depression.

God doesn't doesn't give us anything He doesnt intend for us to use for HIS glory. The gifts... the voice, boldness, the passion... OR the hurt... He does allow things into our lives. Not to hurt us, but to grow us. Every single bad or hurtful situation I have been thru in my life.. I can clearly see that HE desires to use to help the hurting. In the moment of our hurt, I think we all cry out "God, why me?" God uses the things that break us, to minister to others who are broken. To share with them, the hope and love and FREEDOM found at the cross..... At His feet when we surrender completley and just let Him...BE God.

A couple of years ago a friend of mine lost her daughter who was my sons age... I hurt, grieved over that loss.. I remember thinking..crying out to God " how can I hurt this bad???", it wasn't my child who was gone. and thinking" if i hurt this bad, how in the world must the momma who had lost her child feel?" No doubt, nearly unbareable, im sure. In those moments...when God burdens my heart for ppl, I'm reminded of a line to a song.. i can't even tell ya who sings it , but its "Break my heart for what breaks yours.."

ok..so i took a break to go find the song.. haha it is by Mathew West:

"Father break my heart for what breaks yours
Give me open hands and open doors
Put your light in my eyes and let me see
That my own little world is not about me"

Last Sunday morning at church the choir met to pray before service began. From the moment I walked in at 850am I felt the need to pray for my husband Phillip and his cousin Sherman who was expected to die at any moment. The family had asked Phillip to speak at the funeral and Phillip was .. unsure of what to share with them. And Sherman, I just felt the need to pray for peace for him and for His family. Well.. i didn't pray. I let everyone else pray and kept pushing it back.. I prayed in my head of course, but well... i dont know.. my throat was hurting, i knew time was ticking and we needed to get up to the sanctuary... whatever...they were excuses the devil was planting there to KEEP my mouth SHUT. Well, around 9 am I opened my mouth a spit out a little prayer for Sherman & Phillip. During service we got the text that Sherman had passed. At the funeral service, i was talking to Shermans sister as she was recounting the last day of Shermans life and her time with him...and she said Sherman passed at 9am Sunday morning. wow. The exact time we were praying. Maybe I spit it out a little after he passed....which only went to SHOW ME that God really was pressing him onto my heart for prayer for a REASON, and that I should LISTEN when HE speaks ..and JUST PRAY. Same thing with the family I mentioned above. Last year the parents seperated. I am not kidding the exact thing---vision that I had that day walking across the football field happened. I had never uttered a word of it to anyone. But, God really did show me exactly how to pray for that couple and their children. But I didn't do it. Now, could my measley prayers have saved that family from the heartbreak of seperation, well... probably not mine alone... but, I will tell you with confidence, if I HAD been praying for that family after that day on the football field.... more than a year later when she showed up on my doorstep for help and prayer... I would have been MORE THAN prepared.

See... God is good. HE is faithful and true to His word. He never says bad things wont happen to us. He promises he is there for us when they do happen. He never says stepping into our gifts will be easy... again...satan sure doesn't want it to be easy. BUT GOD says the HE gives us every gift and talent and ability...every GOOD thing is from God. TO be used for Him. Its all about Him!!!

Use what God has given you. Use what God has allowed you to go through. Place yourself in a position to be USED BY HIM and FOR Him...to help the hurting and to glorify our Almighty Father. And by the way---the ONLY way to do that... to purposefully PLACE yourself in a position to BE used by Him is to spend TIME with Him...every day. No magic formula... just an intimate one on one relationship with Jesus.

What gift or talent...ability.. has he blessed you with? are you walking in it? I really wanna know. I think I have a BIG ole 19 followers...but I want to hear from you.. if your not walking in your gift...thats ok. Tell me about it. Why arent you? Whats holding you back? Lets pray about it!!

Love & prayers from me!! and I really am gonna start trying to speak up when God lays something on my heart to share with you here. I know at least one of you really are watching...reading. ;)

Commit

"I'm your hands and feet hidden behind this fraile human disguise... i want to love just like you loved, wanna give just like you gave, i wanna reach out with YOUR hands...b/c ONLY YOU can SAVE." (lyrics i heard this am...not sure who sings it...if you know..post in comments :))

I just want to be used by Him...for Him. Thats it. I mean, I desire to be a partner, friend, lover to my husband... i desire to be an out of this world mother to my kids. But...more than ANYTHING... I really just want more of Him. I know some of you may not get it. I guess I feel like...well, I know.. if my life is truely comitted to my Father...HE will work all the other stuff out. He will, because His word says it, "COmmit your way unto the Lord, and He SHALL direct your path".. not maybe...HE SHALL.... and sorry mommys out there... it doesn't say "Commit your life to your family/children". He says to commit our lives to Him. He also says He will give us the desires of our hearts....so those desires I spoke of... He will FULFILL...and that makes me feel better. I dont have to work at being the perfect wife, or not making any mistakes with my kids. He works ALL things out for my good. ALL. For me...it kinda takes the pressure off. I remember crying so hard when I found out Kylee was a girl. By this time, we had 3 boys...and thats what I knew. But a girl?? really God? I was so afraid I would mess her up... I wouldnt have what it took to be a girl mommy. It all...everything really comes down to ... do you trust God? With every detail of your life. I remember picking myself up out of the bathroom floor (really, it was quite ugly) and just knowing that He knew better than me what I can handle and where my strengths lie. He loves me. I trust His love for me. I trust Him. If I live my life to please HIM... first, I know He will make me the Proverbs 31 wife my husband deserves. If I align my life with Jesus... HE WILL help me train my children up in HIS ways, so that when they grow up they will also, align their lives with Jesus. My precious Father in heaven has blessed me so far beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I just want everyone to feel what I feel and to experience God's grace and mercy and LOVE and the FREEDOM found when you CHAIN yourself to His side. TO give like He gave...to love....the UNloveable... to reach out like He did to the lost. The thief, the liar, the addict, the adluter, the _____ you fill in the blank... THE LOST. Some, good ppl... just lost and lied to by satan. Being good.... doesn't get you into heaven. You can be 'good' and still be lost and headed to the pit of hell. You have to know Him as your Savior. You have to.

If you are reading this today and you dont know Jesus, please let me know. I would love to pray with you and join with you as you begin your new life in Christ....thats what you get. A new life. Everything old passes away and you become a NEW creation in Christ.

If you already know Jesus... are you truely married to HIM first? Do you trust Him with EVERY area of your life? Are you fullfilling the call He has on your life? (oh, yes... you have one... if you know Him.. you have a call!!)

You are loved... COMMIT your way to Him...and take some of the pressure of this world OFF of your shoulders!! LIVE to please HIM. LIVE everyday to be USED by HIM.

Love, j.

Oh, heres a recent pic...taken July 3....Max's birthday.

an "ah hah" moment...

My husband, Phillip & I have been abundantly blessed with the amazing responsibility of raising 4 of God's children. We had been married 3 years, when our first born Logan, came along. He was preemie and being his mommy was the biggest job I had even taken on. He was so tiny and so overwhelmingly amazing. I had never felt so much love, so immediately for anyone. Never. He is now almost 12 years old, and has become this responsible, respectful young man, and some days I wonder where my 4lb helpless baby boy went. He is a take charge kinda kid. He loves sports. Being his mom.... gave me purpose.

Then came along our blue eyed sweetie, Brady Cole. He was double the size of his big brother, and came at a time of my life when I really needed someone to ground me. BC is 9, and loves, loves to make you laugh. He is tender hearted & loves deeply. He has so much love for others, his prayers, as a 9 yr old just blow me away. I remember, feeling that same... blow ya away kind of love for him as well. Even, feeling surprised that I didnt ... feel it comin, ya know? Again, Immediate, unconditional...love. Throw myself in front of a bus for you, without thinking twice... love.

So, I guess it was 6 years later, when we found out we were expecting our unexpected third child. Logan & BC were sooo excited. They were 8 & 6 by this time. Phillip & I had talked over the years about possibly adopting someday, but this baby...girl... came as a surprise. My pregnancy was ...hmmm, horrible. From sickness & nausea, to depression, to her kicking me...I felt like there was an alien in my body. It was not a pleasant pregnancy. Then I found out she was a girl....which scared me to death... I remember laying in our bathroom floor crying my eyes out...and just begging God to give me what I needed to mother a girl. My mom & I don't have...an exactly healthy relationship, and I was so fearful, that I just didn't have what it was gonna take to parent her. I got up, knowing...that my God knew that I had some strenght in there that I didn't know I had and I just trusted that He would give me what would need as I needed it. So, I began to muster...really... had to work up the excitement... I remember everyone around me was so excited, I guess I put on a good show... I was taught to do that. One of my sisters was pregnant at the same time I was...that always seemed to happen with us. K. has drug problem, but had assured me she was clean for months now. July 3, she delivered a baby boy, Max. We went to meet our new little nephew who was absolutely beautiful. I was 7 months pregnant with our baby girl, when we got the phone call July 5th, to come & pick Max up. He would not be allowed to go home with my sister K. Max's story is for another day... for now, I will just say Max turns 3 tomorrow...July 3, and while he became our son July 5th 2007, in the eyes of the court, he officially became our son last October. Bringing him home...was scarey... but by that night, laying in bed with this precious newborn baby, 7 months preggers... looking at the innocent little baby... God birthed inside of me that I had only felt 2 other times... ya got it... I would have thrown myself in front of a bus for him... as fearful, (in my flesh), as I was to say it out loud, at that moment...he was my son. God had ordained it that way... I wasn't sure of the how or even the why's.... but, he was where his Father God wanted him to be. I knew it in my spirit. He was/is the sweetest baby... he was very sick, but so happy all the time, he bonded quickly with his daddy & his brothers Logan & Brady Cole. We were all absolutely in love with him. Again, his story...is one that has made me WANT to blog for 3 years now... so his story..another time... for now...

Alrighty, soooo next would come our little princess... Kylee. Named by her daddy. She is, even from the womb.... sassy & independent. Also, sweet & sooo nuturing. It amazes me how we are created as men & women completely different by our maker. This little girl is beautifully girly...and some days I think..."where's she learn that?" Well, she was created that way. While, I absolutley would say I felt that unconditional love for her as well... our relationship has by far, been the most challenging. She is warming up to ppl these days... but we always joked that she just didn't like people. She was never easily entertained... and didn't seem to ... need me, like my boys did. I am learning to embrace her differences now. I watch her sleep and am just in awe that God used my husband and I to create something so beautiful...and COMPLEX. I watch her mother her baby dolls & think what a wonderful mommy she is going to be someday. She cleans behind me... she follows me around trying to help with laundry or brush my hair, or sing to me. Just preciousness. Here is a piece of my heart:

OK, so you have heard all my romantical stories of how my children came to be. Now they are all growing up so fast and LIFE gets in the way. Last Friday.. I was having...one of those days. 4 kids... hubby gone for the weekend (which he has never done...did you hear me... I have NEVER had all 4 kids by myself for a weekend!) and we were expecting company later that night. My best friend & her 3 children...so my kiddoes were more than excited and that is ALL i had heard about all day. My head was pounding, my chest was all tight...it was just a loud, stressful day. I think alot of days, moms get so caught up in the moment...we forget what an amazing job we have been given... and it just feels like...good old work. not fun. not enjoyable. not rewarding...and sometimes not even important or meaningful. just work. Well, that was my day...and it was whoopin my tail. In the midst of one of my rants...and I had had several by this time.... this one directed at Max, he was giving me a...disapproving look at whatever I was sending him to time out for... and THEN he began to argue with me...which is a huge "no no" in our home... but, something stopped me. He was standing there, lip all poked out... again, trying to tell me whatever he did wasnt really worthy of a time out...when he said "mom, mommy, mom".... i'm not sure about what else he was saying..because right there, in the middle of all the chaos, all I heard was this little boy, not even physically born from my womb, speaking with such sweet conviction to his mommy. me. .... me. I, am his mommy. This amazing little creation.... saw me, knew me, calls me...mom. I was overwhelmed. Yes, partly, because I still have insecurities about what he will feel in the years to come, knowing he is adopted....but... he calls me mom. I am his mom. Now, being a mom is not where I find my worth...but, in that moment....boy, it just sunk into my spirit... that God loves me so much that he saw fit to trust us with not only three children that we physically made, but one that He made...and that He placedd in our family. AND, then...wow... it just went on... is that what my Daddy God feels when I call out to him? When I am hurting or disappointed, or lonely, or broken, or dancing at His feet...what must He feel when we call out to Him.... "daddy, thank you, daddy, help me, daddy, i need you, daddy i love you". I wonder if Father God's heart soars like mine did that day? So, that was my "ah hah" moment... "Ah hah, he loves me... ah hah, i get to be his mommy, ah ha.. my Daddy God loves me so mush he trusted me to be mommy to FOUR of HIS children... ah hah... my Daddy God loves it when I call out His name".

So.. how long has it been since you set your Fathers heart afire....?? Since you called out to Him... in thanksgiving, or joy or hopelessness?? He loves you... He longs to hear from you. His child. Make time today... to just call out to him. He IS the lover of your soul.

"I have loved you with an everlasting love." Jeremiah 31:3

Blessings~ Joelle