I ran into an old friend last week. She asked about this silly blog. Said she had checked it several times and there wasn't anything new here. She thought it may have been her internet sevice at work blocking her from seeing. Well, theres no block.. just a dry spell for me. And not just a dry spell really, because God has done some mighty big things lately... i guess, i didn't feel like sharing.. or maybe I even thought noone cared or was listening. :/ I think we all feel that way sometimes. Insignificant. I sure hope I'm not alone anyways.
I know the truth though. satan. He wants me to FEEL insignificant, un-useable.... invisable. Do you ever feel thouse things? Like, HE..God of the Universe...can't possibly use you... need you.. or even want you? If satan can shut me up. He wins. God gave me a voice. He gave me boldness. He gave me passion. He allows me to hurt for ppl.. for things and situations that hurt Him. Oh...whenever I am hurting or crying or praying over someone... really it could be anyone... from my sister, Cindy who is growing leaps & bounds in her faith every day... to a person I saw at my sons football game.. I felt like GOd kinda showed me this family was going to be attacked a cpl of years ago. I pushed it away.. I confess, I did not pray. I felt like I should... I remember kinda 'seeing', if you will what the enemy was going to use to attack this family with, and thinking "oh, no..that can never happen.. why am I thinking that??!!" I see women go to the alter.. I only go if I feel led to pray for them ususally, I cant tell you how many times... that broken woman reaching out for prayer has a husband or other family member who is lost, a marriage falling apart, a sister who is lost to a world of drugs, a sick child, she herself struggling with lack of confidence, or decisions, being mentally attacked, depression.
God doesn't doesn't give us anything He doesnt intend for us to use for HIS glory. The gifts... the voice, boldness, the passion... OR the hurt... He does allow things into our lives. Not to hurt us, but to grow us. Every single bad or hurtful situation I have been thru in my life.. I can clearly see that HE desires to use to help the hurting. In the moment of our hurt, I think we all cry out "God, why me?" God uses the things that break us, to minister to others who are broken. To share with them, the hope and love and FREEDOM found at the cross..... At His feet when we surrender completley and just let Him...BE God.
A couple of years ago a friend of mine lost her daughter who was my sons age... I hurt, grieved over that loss.. I remember thinking..crying out to God " how can I hurt this bad???", it wasn't my child who was gone. and thinking" if i hurt this bad, how in the world must the momma who had lost her child feel?" No doubt, nearly unbareable, im sure. In those moments...when God burdens my heart for ppl, I'm reminded of a line to a song.. i can't even tell ya who sings it , but its "Break my heart for what breaks yours.."
ok..so i took a break to go find the song.. haha it is by Mathew West:
"Father break my heart for what breaks yours
Give me open hands and open doors
Put your light in my eyes and let me see
That my own little world is not about me"
Last Sunday morning at church the choir met to pray before service began. From the moment I walked in at 850am I felt the need to pray for my husband Phillip and his cousin Sherman who was expected to die at any moment. The family had asked Phillip to speak at the funeral and Phillip was .. unsure of what to share with them. And Sherman, I just felt the need to pray for peace for him and for His family. Well.. i didn't pray. I let everyone else pray and kept pushing it back.. I prayed in my head of course, but well... i dont know.. my throat was hurting, i knew time was ticking and we needed to get up to the sanctuary... whatever...they were excuses the devil was planting there to KEEP my mouth SHUT. Well, around 9 am I opened my mouth a spit out a little prayer for Sherman & Phillip. During service we got the text that Sherman had passed. At the funeral service, i was talking to Shermans sister as she was recounting the last day of Shermans life and her time with him...and she said Sherman passed at 9am Sunday morning. wow. The exact time we were praying. Maybe I spit it out a little after he passed....which only went to SHOW ME that God really was pressing him onto my heart for prayer for a REASON, and that I should LISTEN when HE speaks ..and JUST PRAY. Same thing with the family I mentioned above. Last year the parents seperated. I am not kidding the exact thing---vision that I had that day walking across the football field happened. I had never uttered a word of it to anyone. But, God really did show me exactly how to pray for that couple and their children. But I didn't do it. Now, could my measley prayers have saved that family from the heartbreak of seperation, well... probably not mine alone... but, I will tell you with confidence, if I HAD been praying for that family after that day on the football field.... more than a year later when she showed up on my doorstep for help and prayer... I would have been MORE THAN prepared.
See... God is good. HE is faithful and true to His word. He never says bad things wont happen to us. He promises he is there for us when they do happen. He never says stepping into our gifts will be easy... again...satan sure doesn't want it to be easy. BUT GOD says the HE gives us every gift and talent and ability...every GOOD thing is from God. TO be used for Him. Its all about Him!!!
Use what God has given you. Use what God has allowed you to go through. Place yourself in a position to be USED BY HIM and FOR Him...to help the hurting and to glorify our Almighty Father. And by the way---the ONLY way to do that... to purposefully PLACE yourself in a position to BE used by Him is to spend TIME with Him...every day. No magic formula... just an intimate one on one relationship with Jesus.
What gift or talent...ability.. has he blessed you with? are you walking in it? I really wanna know. I think I have a BIG ole 19 followers...but I want to hear from you.. if your not walking in your gift...thats ok. Tell me about it. Why arent you? Whats holding you back? Lets pray about it!!
Love & prayers from me!! and I really am gonna start trying to speak up when God lays something on my heart to share with you here. I know at least one of you really are watching...reading. ;)
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